


Say You Will

by Harlow92



Series: Come What May [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Becky Rosen Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Chuck Shurley is Castiel's Parent, Chuck Shurley is Not God, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Former Military Castiel (Supernatural), Good Older Sibling Lucifer (Supernatural), Good Parents John Winchester & Mary Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Light Angst, M/M, Marine Castiel (Supernatural), Minor Becky Rosen/Chuck Shurley, Protective Dean Winchester, Sports Coach Dean Winchester, Teacher Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-12-06 22:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harlow92/pseuds/Harlow92
Summary: Castiel has been running from his feelings for Dean Winchester since he graduated high school. Ten years later finds him out of the Marines and back in his parents house.Is it fate or dumb luck that Dean happens to be coaching for the same high school that two boys graduated from years ago?This is Castiel's side of the story.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is second part of Come What May. It will follow Castiel as he tries to navigate his life after the military and his feelings for Dean. If you haven't read the first part of the series, you'll probably want to. This prologue will start before Cas and Dean talk, but after the prologue it goes to the points I didn't cover in the first series after they initially started speaking again.
> 
> I'm not going to go in depth with the specifics of military (i.e. his ranking) due to the fact that I'm not knowledgable when it comes. The only bits and pieces I know are from when my brother served in the Navy. I don't want to use any information unless it's factual when it comes to military. 
> 
> Thank you guys for reading :).

 

 

_“If you think this is what’s best I’m not going to argue, just know that it’s not the only option.”_

 

_“I know sir, but I think it’s the only one the makes sense.”_

 

_“Well, if that’s it we’ll start the processing papers as soon as we can. You’re dismissed.”_

 

_“Thank you, sir.”_

 

_•••_

 

_“Everything we experience is written in our souls. We can try to erase it, but all that does is blur the lines. There’s nothing we can do to completely rid ourselves of the drawing. Instead of focusing on how to forget, we need to focus on how to live despite the pain.”_

 

_“I get what you’re saying, I just don’t think I can do that.”_

 

_“You’re a lot stronger than you believe, Castiel. When you leave here to go home, you have to remember that. You’re spirit is strong, you just have to let it be. You need to find support, too, lean on your friends and family. It may not be appealing, but I’m sure they want to help you. You just have to let them.”_

 

_•••_

 

Cas watched as the home he grew up in came into sight. Dread settled deep in his stomach and no matter how much he tried to ignore the feeling, it wouldn’t go away. He pulled over a couple houses down and took a deep breath.

 

Pam had told him face his feelings, figure out what was bothering him and address it. Now, as he sat with his head rested on the steering wheel, he couldn’t help but feel like her advice was shit. Avoiding them was so much easier when it came down to it. He knew that if he walked into the house with a smile on his face and a bag slung over his back it would make his family happy. He could pretend that everything was ok, and wouldn’t that be easier? Wouldn’t it be better for everyone involved if he just acted?

 

 _No, you have to take care of yourself first._ He heard Pam’s stern voice in his head. She was still scolding him even with many miles between them.

 

Cas sighed and flipped the car around. He drove with no particular place in mind, but he knew where he was going. Away. Even just for a few more hours of solace before he had to face his family. It was better that way.

 

When he drove into the parking lot of the high school, he stared at the building. Nothing had changed except the people inside. Cas thought it odd that he grew up in the halls of this structure and yet when he left it still moved on. New memories had been made by dozens of other children in there. His mark was long gone.

 

It was Monday, and the parking lot was full of vehicles. There weren’t any kids milling about, save for the few who obviously weren’t worried about what they were missing. Cas pulled the car into one of the few open spaces and thanked himself for wearing sweats for the last leg of his journey. He grabbed his water bottle and locked his car before walking towards the football field.

 

He’d spent countless Friday nights in the stands of this field. He was always there to cheer for his high school team. More specifically Dean. But that was another life. One where things were much simpler and all he had to worry about was getting good grades and making it home on time for curfew. Things had changed, he had changed.

 

Cas walked onto the track that surrounded the field and said a silent thanks that he was the only one there. His water landed haphazardly on the grass as he threw it and began a slow paced jog.

 

What was he scared of? His home should be welcoming, he should be excited to be with his family once again. Yet, there was still the feeling of dread settled onto him like a heavy weight.

 

Cas began running faster while he thought of the things that might be the cause of his apprehension. First and foremost, he had ran away from the only thing he knew in his adult life. Sure his military background gave him good leverage when it came to finding a job, but what the hell kind of job did he want? There was absolutely nothing that sounded appealing, and the thought of not having something to do left him feeling untethered in all the worst ways possible.

 

Secondly, he was moving back in with his parents. Even though he hoped it would only be temporary, there was really no telling how long he would be there for. Over the years he’d grown accustomed to a certain way of living. He liked to keep things neat and orderly, Chuck and Becky did not. The thought of their chaos made him shiver.

 

Thirdly, sooner rather than later he would have to quit running and face what had caused him to discharge in the first place. That was something he didn’t want to touch with a 18 foot pole right now.

 

Finally, was Dean. He would no doubt come face to face with his childhood friend and he had no clue how he was going to handle it. Cas had been through a lot these past few months and getting the final goodbye from Dean was more than he could handle. He’d been avoiding the man for years, and yet he still felt as though he had a part of Dean. That part would be gone when Dean told him where he could go, and Cas had no doubt that it would be right to hell. It would be less than he deserved.

 

Cas ran until his lungs burned and he collapsed on the grass. He stared up at the blue sky and pondered how he had ended up at this point. He never considered himself to be a coward, always the first in line when a volunteer was needed, but when he sat back and thought about his choices he second guessed that assumption about himself.

 

Now would be the time that his bravery was tested. That made him laugh with the ridiculousness of the thought, but he had to start facing his demons. His childhood home being the first one.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it starts getting confusing if you haven't read Come What May. For those of you have this picks up right after dinner at the Winchesters. 
> 
> *Warning* This chapter talks momentarily about Cas in the military. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

 

 

“I talked to Dean.”

 

“How did that go?”

 

“Better than I expected. I just thought..” Cas trailed off, leaving the sentence unsaid. There was silence from the other end of the line.

 

“What did you think?” Pam asked curiously.

 

“Well, I thought it would be harder. It wasn’t, he was angry at first but after he said his peace we talked for hours. I even went to dinner at his parents’ house on Sunday.”

 

“Well I would say that’s a success, but I sense some hesitancy. How do you feel about it?”

 

“I don’t know if I’m moving too fast, asking too much of him. I also feel like a fool for shutting him out. I wasted all these years.” Cas said forlornly. Pam tsked on the other side of the phone.

 

“You can’t dwell on what you can’t change. What you can change is your future, if you want Dean to be a part of that then you need to continue reconnecting.”

 

“But how will I know if what he feels is real? Or if what I feel is real for that matter?” Cas grumbled.

 

“You have to give yourself time. You both will work together to set the boundaries of your relationship. Dean is an adult, you need to communicate your concerns with him. You can help him figure out what he feels for you just like he can assist you with the same.”

 

“I guess.” Cas sighed as he rubbed his eyes. He was sat outside in a lawn chair looking out towards the expansive back yard. The green lawn was all thanks to his mom and her green thumb. She had a part of the yard fenced off for a garden she planted every year. Most of the produce has already gone through bloom but there were still green beans and pumpkins growing with fervor.

 

“Did you tell him how you feel?” Pam asked.

 

“Yes, I told him what caused the distance too.” Pam hummed happily before taking a breath.

 

“You two are already on the path of open communication. I’m not sure why you think you guys will have problem with it.”

 

“It just seems too good to be true honestly.” Cas murmured. He’d been thinking it since Dean had dropped him off outside his parents’ house on Saturday. It was easy to fall back into a rhythm with his old friend.

 

“Sometimes good things happen and we just have to accept it for what it is.”

 

***

 

Cas fiddled with his shirt nervously. It was smooth from the vigorous ironing he had done earlier and tucked into his pants neatly. His dark slacks clung to his bottom half and the black boots he wore were polished.

 

He didn’t know why he was so worried. Cas knew plenty of people who had gone through interviews before, he’d just never done one himself. It wasn’t even an interview for a job, so far he hadn’t been able to find anything that caught his eyes. He was just looking at an apartment and if it was what he wanted he would try to rent it. The landlord had told him that if he wanted to put an application on they would do a short interview and a background check. If everything was copacetic he could move in within a week.

 

He had been thrown off by the interview portion, but since he lived in base housing most of the time, he figured it must be normal.

 

Once he deemed his outfit professional enough, he grabbed his keys and drove to the address of the apartment building. From the outside it looked nice. It was within a gated lot and there seemed to be only two units peer building. From the pictures he couldn’t be sure, but now he was positive that it was more of s townhouse than anything.

 

The unit had a garage attached to it and a waist high fence separating it from the one that shared a wall with it. It was dark gray with black shutters and the lawn was green.

 

Cas smiled as he walked up to the door and took a deep breath. Something about the black Lexus sitting in the driveway was familiar, but he put it to the back of his mind as he tentatively pushed the door bell. There was slight movement behind the door before it swung open.

 

Luke stood at the door with a huge grin on his face that didn’t fade when he saw Cas. In fact he looked very pleased with himself. Cas groaned and shoved past his brother.

 

“Now now, is that any way to treat your new landlord?” Luke asked with a slightly teasing tone.

 

“Seriously Luke? You couldn’t just tell me it was you I was communicating with?” Cas asked with annoyance heavy in his tone.

 

“I couldn’t tell it was you.” Luke shrugged.

 

“My email is C.Novak!” Cas exclaimed, to which his brother laughed.

 

“Come on Cas, if you knew it was me you wouldn’t have even given this place a second thought.” Luke accused.

 

“For good reason.” Cas admitted without even trying to deny it. His brother knew him well.

 

“Look Cas, just walk around the place and tell me what you think. Keep an open mind.” Luke asked. Cas thought about saying no, but he really wanted to see it. From the pictures it would be the perfect fit for him.

 

“Fine.” Cas said petulantly. Luke threw a victory fist in the air before making his way to the front door.

 

“I’m going to let you have a look without me. Come grab me when you’re ready.” Luke said before disappearing out the front door.

 

Cas looked around the space. The front door lead into an open concept floor plan. The living room was equipped with hard wood floors and a large area rug. There was a leather couch and love seat that sat in front of a large tv mounted onto the wall above a gas fireplace. There were a few other pieces furniture, such as a bookcase and a coffee table, placed throughout the living area to make the whole area not only comfortable but inviting.

 

He walked towards the kitchen which had top of the line appliances and granite counter tops. The hard wood floor was continuous throughout the floor and seemed to blend perfectly with the cabinets that were painted white and made to look distressed. There were three barstools at one of the counters and a small dining table placed underneath a large window with a potted plant sat in the middle of the surface.

 

He walked towards the stairs and started climbing up them. The first bedroom he saw was set up to be an office. The second one was empty which showed off the size. The guest bath was small but still had all the amenities of a full bathroom.

 

It was the master the truly got Cas’s attention. The room had a large bed that was made up in a beige comforter and colorful accent pillows. The two windows were large and had heavy curtains to add privacy. There was a walk in closet and the bathroom was amazing.

 

By the time he was finished walking around Cas was astonished and completely disappointed that he couldn’t live there. Luke being the landlord was off putting enough that he had made up his mind.

 

It wasn’t that Cas didn’t love his brother, he just wanted his privacy. He knew that Luke would bug him constantly about every little thing.

 

So when Cas walked out the front door he had a look of determination on his face. He just forgot about one factor: Luke was a damn good negotiator.

 

“Let’s go inside, I picked up some treats from Gabe. We can eat and discuss.” Luke said as he grabbed a bag out of his car.

 

Cas soon found himself sat at the table with a pastry in front of him. He picked at it nervously as Luke dug around his backpack and pulled papers out.

 

“I drafted this contract last night in case you wanted the place.” Luke said with a smile before stuffing his mouth with sweets. Cas sighed and looked at his brother apologetically.

 

“This place is lovely Luke, but I can’t live here.” He said with firm tone. Luke’s response wasn’t quite what Cas was expecting. His brother just laughed lightly before tapping the papers.

 

“I was expecting that, it’s why I didn’t tell you about it in the first place. I just want you to have a nice place to live while you’re here.”

 

“I appreciate that, but I’m sure I can find a nice place that isn’t run by you. I just want privacy.” Cas answered.

 

“And you’ll have that here. Kelly manages this complex, I’m a sort of silent investor. The only reason I’m here today is because I knew Kelly would take no for an answer, and I’m not going to,” Luke shrugged before moving the papers so they sat in front of Cas. “The deposit is first and last month’s worth of rent, which in your case equals out to $1200.00. Furniture comes with the rental agreement, if you want to keep it once you move out we can come up with a payment plan. If you fuck any of it up you have to replace it when you move out. We pay water and trash, you would pay utilities. Contract is month to month in case you decide to buy a home.” Luke smiled at Cas’s astonished face.

 

“Luke, there is no way the rent is only $600 per month. You’d be losing money!” Cas exclaimed. His brother was mad, absolutely insane.

 

“Yeah, I know. I don’t give a shit, Cas. We have two other gated communities like this in Kansas. I’m a doctor. It’s not like we’d be hurting. I would just ask that you keep this deal to yourself and don’t mess any of my shit up.” Luke said matter of factly.

 

“You’re a dentist.” Cas couldn’t help but tease his brother a bit.

 

“Fuck you,” Luke glared at Cas playfully. “Seriously though Cas, let me help you. Kelly would be your contact and there’s even a clubhouse with a gym and swimming pool. You could have Mom and Dad over, Dean too.” Cas turned bright red causing his brother to laugh triumphantly.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cas said resolutely.

 

“Bull shit! Mom told me Dean dropped you off late Friday night and that you joined the Winchesters for Sunday dinner. Don’t tell me you don’t wanna see how good that bed is upstairs.” Luke winked at Cas.

 

“Shut up!” Cas whined like a teenager.

 

“It’s what you deserve! Talking shit about me being a dentist.” Luke scoffed before throwing a pen at Cas.

 

“I’m not signing this.” Cas said indignantly. Luke glared at him.

 

“You will sign it or I’ll forge your damn signature!”

 

“That’s against the law.” Cas said as he took the pen and signed his name on the contract.

 

“Well Cassie, I’ve never been above it before so why start now?”

 

***

 

“These appliances are going to be wasted on you!” Gabe whined as he ran his hand over the stove top.

 

“You have a way better kitchen at home.” Cas glared. Gabe shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I still feel bad for the misuse these beauties are going to get,” Gabe pointed towards the microwave and glared at Cas. “I bet that’s the only thing that will get turned on in here.”

 

“Don’t forget the coffee maker, Cas definitely knows how to make coffee.” Chuck smiled from his seat on the couch. Cas groaned, he didn’t know why he thought it would be a good idea to have people over to his house.

 

“I’m so proud of you, Castiel.” Becky smiled sweetly at her youngest as she wrapped him in a hug.

 

“Proud of him? I’m the one who got him this place!” Luke said defiantly with a happy grin on his face.

 

“We know Luke, now would you shut up about it?” Gabe scolded from the kitchen.

 

“I’m proud of you too, Luke. Just not as proud as I am of Cas.” Becky said teasingly before making her way up the stairs.

 

“Wow, Mom, just wow!” Lue yelled after her. They could hear Becky’s laughter all the way down the stairs.

 

Cas had officially moved in two days before. There were small touches of his things throughout the house, but the furnishings that came with the house still dominated the spaces. He was thankful that the place came with furniture already, he didn’t have any of his own because he sold it all before moving back to Kansas. When he had initially planned the move he wanted it to be as simple as possible. Being able to avoid the cost of a U-Haul and storage unit definitely helped him save money, but if he’d known he would find this place so quickly he wouldn’t have sold everything.

 

He’d been back in Kansas for a little over a week and he already had a place to live. He’d invited his family over to look around the place and called Dean to ask if he wanted to see as well. The coach seemed excited when he was talking to Cas about coming over, but Cas still wondered if he was asking too much of Dean’s time. The man was a teacher and a coach, after all. It was a Thursday, Dean would probably be stressing over the game plan for Friday. Even though Cas had asked Dean to come over on the weekend, the coach insisted that he wanted to see it as soon as possible. Dean told him that he would be over around six with bells on.

 

Cas couldn’t help but check his watch constantly. It was already four and his family seemed as if they were in for the long haul. He really hoped they didn’t want to stay for dinner. As if on cue, Becky walked down from the upstairs and clapped her hands together.

 

“This is going to be perfect for you,” She said smiling at Cas before turning her attention towards the other three men in the room. “Come on guys, let’s go.”

 

“You’re not the boss of me, Becky.” Gabe said indignantly even as he made his way towards the front door.

 

“Don’t test me, Gabriel Novak.” Becky said with an air of authority that one only got from raising three rambunctious boys. Chuck laughed as he walked up to his wife and kissed her on the top of her head.

 

“Bye son.” Chuck said while hugging Cas.

 

Cas watched as his dad walked towards the entrance with Becky. When the door finally shut, he sighed with relief before rushing around the place. He wanted to make sure everything was put away and cleaned up. Seeing as he had just moved in and kept things tidy already, it only took away a half hour of the wait. He frowned at his watch and decided to sit for a while.

 

By the time Dean arrived at six, Cas was invested in the mindless drama of Dr. Sexy. He would never admit to anyone that it was a guilty pleasure of his. When he heard the doorbell ring, Cas quickly shut the television off and rushed to the front door. When he opened it, Dean was standing on the porch with a grin on his face and a six pack in his hand.

 

“Housewarming present.” Dean said as he walked into the house.

 

Cas watched as Dean walked around the first floor and took in everything it had offer. The coach set the beer on the counter and looked at the appliances enviously in the kitchen before going to a window and looking out towards the back yard. Dean whistled and turned to face Cas.

 

“Looks like you’ve got yourself a nice set up, Cas.” Dean smiled and walked to the living room. He sat down on the love seat and ran his fingers over the soft leather.

 

“I think so, hopefully it goes well.” Cas said as he grabbed two of the bottles from the six pack and joined Dean in the living room.

 

“Thanks,” Dean smiled as he took the offered bottle from Cas and took the cap off. “Luke’s not half bad. Kinda annoying, but I’ve found that trait runs deep in the Novak family.” Dean winked as Cas scoffed.

 

“I’m nowhere near as annoying as my brothers, thank you very much.” Cas said with his head held high. Dean laughed and shook his head.

 

“Whatever, do you remember that prank war you got into with Gabe? You wouldn’t quit bugging me to help you so I finally did, do I need to remind you remember what happened next?” Dean asked with his eyebrows raised. Cas began laughing at the memory.

 

“I believe it ended with someone getting their ass chewed by John because there was glitter in Impala.” Cas said. Dean groaned at the thought of John’s cherry red face as he reamed Dean, Cas, and Gabe a new one.

 

“Man, my dad was so pissed. I don’t think I’d ever seen him that mad before or since.” Dean grinned at Cas.

 

“It wasn’t part of the plan for the glitter to spill all over the car, that was supposed to happen in Gabe’s.” Cas shook his head mournfully.

 

“The moral of the story is that if you had just quit bugging me, I wouldn’t have had to live in fear for a year over whether or not my dad would actually give me the Impala.” Dean glared at Cas, but the smile on his face showed that he was never actually too worried.

 

“I swore off my pranking days then, a mad John Winchester is something that you never forget.” Cas shivered at the thought.

 

“So, a couple of my buddies and I are going to go to grab a beer tomorrow after the game,” Dean paused and looked down at his bottle. Cas frowned when the man started picking at the label nervously. When Dean looked back up his face was red. Cas would never grow tired of seeing the light blush that was an almost near present color on Dean’s face. “I thought it would be cool if you came. You know, only if you want to, of course.” He added with a rush. Cas smiled gently at Dean and nodded his head.

 

“I would love to.” Cas answered. The relief that washed over Dean’s face was evident to anyone who could have been watching.

 

“Cool. It’s a date. I mean, uh, it’s a.. fuck.” Dean stood up and walked towards the kitchen quickly. Cas stood to follow him, already knowing what was going through Dean’s mind.

 

“Dean, stop.” Cas said quietly as he rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder. The coach flinched at the touch and took a couple steps to put more space between them. Cas felt a surge of anxiety go through him as he wondered if he had done something wrong.

 

The other night at John and Mary’s Dean had been receptive to his touch. What had changed between then and now? Cas couldn’t help but think that he was pushing Dean faster than the other man wanted to go. He just couldn’t seem to help it, when he was around Dean he felt so drawn to him.

 

Cas worried his lip as he stood facing Dean’s back. He wanted so badly to know what Dean was thinking in the moment. Had he changed his mind? Did he not want to pursue a friendship with Cas anymore? Friendship, that was what Dean had agreed to, not hugs and kisses on his forehead in his parents’ house. Cas felt like an idiot, he was so embarrassed that he would have gladly crawled into a hole and stayed there.

 

“You’re thinking too loud.” Dean said quietly. His back was still turned to Cas and his head was hung low.

 

“So are you.” Cas said. Dean turned around and faced Cas slowly. His eyes were wide and he looked so confused. Cas had to stop himself from going forward to wrap him in a hug.

 

“I’m just confused, Cas. Doesn’t have to mean anything more than it is.” Dean sighed and shook his head. Cas bit his lip again and frowned.

 

“If you need more time to process it’s ok. I can step back until you’re ready for friendship or.” Cas trailed off when Dean scoffed and shook his head. He watched as Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply.

 

“No, I don’t want you to give me space Cas, I’ve already have enough of that for the past years.” The words cut Cas deeply. He nodded his head and wrapped his arms around his stomach. He was hoping that Dean had gotten all the hatred out last Friday, but he wasn’t surprised to find out that he hadn’t.

 

How could he be so stupid to think that Dean could forgive him so easily? Jesus, he’d talked to Pam like it was a done deal after only seeing Dean twice. Now here he was looking like a fool. Things were never this easy, he should have known from the start.

 

“Cas, please listen.” Dean said quietly. Cas shook his head to fight the tears that were waiting to fall. Great, now he was going to cry! He heard Dean move towards him and was surprised when he felt the man’s strong arms wrap around his shoulders. Dean pulled Cas tightly against his chest and ran his fingers through Cas’s hair while still holding him. Cas’s heart stopped, he was sure of it. The embrace was filled with warmth and he found himself resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. It was felt amazing.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Cas. I just meant that I know what I’ve wanted because I’ve thought about it, _a lot,_ ” Dean paused and hugged Cas closer. “It’s just that I didn’t expect this to be so.. fucking easy. It confuses me and, honestly, it makes me nervous. I don’t want to mess this up.” Dean said quietly. Cas let out a heavy breath and looked at Dean, there was honesty written on his face.

 

“It scares me,” Cas admitted, he withdrew from Dean and sat down on one of the kitchen stools. If he wanted to have an adult conversation than he would have to do it away from Dean’s arms, otherwise he wouldn’t think straight. “I think abut everything that’s happened, everything I’ve done, and I can’t help but think this whole thing is either a dumb dream or will be ripped away any second.” Cas rested his forehead in one of his hands and peered at Dean.

 

“It scares me too, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try.” Dean shrugged.

 

“Dean, I’ve done some things that I never thought I would when I was younger. It’s not just that I left you, it’s more than that,” Dean started saying something before Cas waved his hand and cut him off. “I’ve killed people Dean. I’m sure you already now that, but you need to hear it from me. I’ve held people’s lives in my hands and I’ve played the part of judge, jury, and executioner.” Cas said somberly.

 

“Hey,” Dean said softly, Cas looked towards the man and saw that there was nothing but compassion in his eyes. No pity or disgust, both things that Cas wouldn’t be able handle. “I don’t know how that feels, Cas, but I’m so happy you’re alive. Thank you for coming home” Dean said reverently as he ran the back of his hand over Cas’s cheek bone tenderly. Cas closed his eyes when Dean bent over and placed a soft kiss his forehead.

 

He was home.


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Warning * mentions of Cas’s PTSD.  
> Thank you guys for reading! I appreciate all kudos and comments 😊.

Chapter Two 

Cas pulled up to the roadhouse and looked around the parking lot anxiously. Dean had told him to be there around 9 and it was 9:03. There were no signs of the Impala, though, and Dean hadn’t texted him to say there was a change of plans. 

Cas sat in his car and wrung his hands together. He was nervous. Not only was this a setting he hadn’t been in for a long time, but he would be meeting new people. Dean had said he would bring along a few friends and Cas couldn’t help but wonder what they would think of him. 

He was worried that they wouldn’t like him. If Dean’s new friends didn’t like him than what would that mean for their own relationship? Cas wasn’t a fool to the fact that he and Dean were heading somewhere that wasn’t just friendship, and the opinions of Dean’s friends would matter to both the coach and Cas himself. 

After waiting for a few minutes his phone started ringing. Cas was just going to ignore it until he saw Dean’s name come across the screen. He frowned slightly before answering.

“Hello Dean.” Cas answered.

“Hey Cas,” there was a worried edge to Dean’s tone that Cas grew anxious about. “You’re still coming right? If you’re not it’s ok, just want to know. Everyone’s asking about you.” Dean said quickly as if he was embarrassed. Cas looked around the parking lot again but still didn’t see a sign of the Impala. 

“I’m in the parking lot, where are you? I don’t see your car.” Cas asked, nervous that he’d gone to the wrong bar.

“Shit, one second-“ Dean said before random noises and voices came through the speaker. Cas wondered what was going on before a slight tap on his car window made him jump. 

He looked out and saw Dean standing by his door with a wide grin on his face. He motioned for Cas to get out of the car and hung the phone up.

“I rode over with Benny, I didn’t think about telling you,” Dean said apologetically while Cas got out of his car and locked the doors. “Hey Cas.” This time Dean greeted him with relief and a sigh. 

Without thinking, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean. Although the coach was stiff at first, he let out a deep breath after a moment and sank into the hug. 

“I thought I had the wrong place.” Cas said, letting his anxiety slowly dissipate. 

“You’re right where you’re supposed to be.” Dean murmured and touched his forehead to Cas’s. The hidden meaning behind the statement didn’t go unnoticed by either man.

When they finally parted, Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and entwined their fingers. Cas felt a thrill go through him as he let Dean lead him into the bar without ever loosening his hold. 

Cas wondered why they both seemed so touch starved. He’d noticed that since they’d first seen each other there seemed to be no boundaries between them when it came to physical contact. While he wasn’t going to complain about the openness, Cas still thought it was something they needed to talk about. He wanted to make sure Dean wasn’t going along out of some feeling of obligation. 

“Cas,” Dean’s voice broke Cas’s thoughts. He turned his head and saw that they were now standing in front of a booth that a gruff looking man and a red headed woman sat at. Cas noted that the two were sitting on the same side, leaving the other one for Dean and himself. “This is Benny, he coaches the football team with me, and this is Charlie, she’s a nerd.” Dean smirked at Charlie as she scoffed. 

“I’m the queen of nerds, thank you very much.” She answered as Dean sat down on the inside. Cas followed him into the booth stiffly. He knew his nerves were rolling off of him and was sure that everyone could see it. 

“Hello.” He said simply and nodded towards the two. 

“Oh Dean, I see what you mean by sexy voice. Cas will you volunteer to read coding to my class? I think my students might actually pay attention.” Charlie joked. Benny laughed while Dean turned bright red and aimed his attention towards a dark spot on the table. Cas stared at Charlie with a slack jaw, he wasn’t sure what to say.

“She’s right, Cas, you could make a killing off audiobooks.” Benny said through his laughter.

“I’ve never thought of doing that.” Cas tilted his head slightly and Dean coughed while glaring at the two.

“Shut up ass holes.” Dean barked, which sparked another round of laughs. 

After everyone had settled down, Benny grabbed the pitcher of beer from the middle of the table and poured it into his glass.

“What’ll you have Cas? This here is poor folk beer, but we can get something else if you’d rather.” Benny asked.

“Water is fine.” Cas answered as he took a sip from the glass in front of him. He tried not to think too much about the sideways glances he got from his answer. 

Truth was Cas loved alcohol, a little too much. When he came home from his last tour he found it provided him with a great escape, it helped him forget his memories. After sitting through many lectures from Pam, though, he decided to quit drinking altogether. He got tired of her scolding him and waking up with hangovers.

“Cheap date.” Charlie smiled and took a drink from her glass. An awkward quiet fell over the table and Cas silently berated himself for not just drinking the damn beer. He had some self control, after all. He could handle just one drink.

“We won the game.” Dean smiled at Cas happily, seemingly ignoring the tension at the table. 

“That’s great, Dean.” Cas smiled warmly at Dean and wished he could hug him. He still wasn’t sure if that would be accepted at the table, though. 

“You a sports fan Cas?” Benny asked conversationally.

“I’m pretty inept when it comes to understanding them, but I do enjoy them.” Cas answered. He jumped slightly when he felt Dean’s hand slip over his on the table. He looked towards Dean and saw a reassuring smile on his face. The message, though not verbal, was loud and clear: Cas was ok. 

“Thank God! These two annoy me with all their sports talk.” Charlie rolled her eyes and smiled conspiratorially at Cas. 

“Somebody has to educate you on America’s favorite pass time, Red.” Dean teased. Charlie stuck her tongue out at him and leaned across the booth towards Cas.

“These two think anything that involves balls is fun, if yah know what I mean.” Cas laughed as Benny groaned and Dean shrugged his shoulders.

“Can’t help that my bat swings both ways.” Dean smirked.

The rest of the night went fairly smooth. Cas was able to relax and enjoy the company of the three as they seemingly competed over who could embarrass each other the most. Eventually, Charlie and Benny realized that they were sitting on a gold mine of awkward adolescent stories about Dean. 

Dean turned bright red as Cas told stories of their youth. Charlie and Benny laughed as they gathered ammunition for years of embarrassment. Cas couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so hard and found himself falling easily into the camaraderie of the small group. 

“I have to go, Andrea is calling and she’s going to be pissed if I’m not home soon,” Benny said after a while. “You ridin’ home with Cas brother?” He asked Dean with his thick cajun accent. 

“Only if it’s alright with him.” Dean asked, looking hopefully towards Cas. 

“Of course.” Cas said nodding. Charlie and Benny smirked at each other like they knew a secret no one else did, but the moment passed quickly. 

“What do you guys think about a game of pool?” Charlie asked. Dean nodded enthusiastically. 

“I’ll get us another pitcher.” Dean said while Charlie went to rack the balls. Cas followed Charlie and watched as she rolled a pool stick on the table before smiling.

“I have no clue what I’m doing.” She winked at Cas and he found himself laughing along as she put chalk on the end of the stick. 

When Dean joined them it was with a brunette woman in tow. Cas frowned as recognition dawned on him. 

Lisa Braeden was as beautiful as he remembered her being in high school. She moved her body with ease and her smile lit up her whole face. Cas felt a pang of self doubt as she said something to Dean and he laughed. 

Cas could see how she and Dean fit so easily together. Even though Dean said she had been the one to call things off, the adoration was plain in her eyes as she oriented herself around the coach. 

“Hey Lisa.” Charlie said with a forced smile that would have been easy to miss. Lisa smiled back at her and waved.

“Hey Charlie, it’s been a while.” She answered. Charlie frowned momentarily before taking a deep breath. 

“Not since you left Dean.” The words hung heavy in the group. An awkward silence befell them as Dean seemed to be searching for something to say.

“Cas, you remember Lisa right? She wanted to come say hi.” Dean finally said as he glared at Charlie.

“Cas! Look at you, you’re all grown up.” Lisa said politely.

Cas thought it an odd thing to say since she’d been the same age as him. Of course he’d grown up, hadn’t they all?

“Well It has been a few years.” Cas said solemnly.

“More than a few, last I heard you were running off for the Marines. What made you come back?” No one could miss the falsely sweet tone of her voice as she smiled at Cas. Charlie raised her eyebrows and glared pointedly at Dean.

“I guess I just needed to come home.” Cas shrugged.

“With how long it’s been I would have thought you found another home by now.” She said bitingly as she grabbed a pool stick. Cas turned red, something he didn’t do often, as he looked at the ground. Before he could get too far into his self loathing he felt a heavy arm grab at his waist.

“Well, I’m certainly happy that he came back.” Dean said beaming at Cas with a smile that lit up his face.

“Thank you Dean.” He whispered before looking to Lisa who was pointedly staring at the two. 

“Either play or get the fuck out, Lisa.” Charlie all but growled, any semblance of kindness gone from her face. 

“I have to go back, I came here with someone, just wanted to say hi.” Lisa said as she handed Dean the pool stick she was holding. 

“Bye.” Charlie said dismissively before taking a shot and doing a terrible job of breaking. Dean groaned as he glared at the shitty job Charlie had done. 

“What the hell Dean?” Charlie snapped as soon as Lisa was out of ear shot. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled apologetically at Cas.

“She said she wanted to see him, how was I supposed to know she was gonna be a dick?” Dean asked innocently. 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because she’s your ex fiancé and you’re obviously trying to get down Cas’s pants.” Charlie exclaimed. Cas spluttered and looked towards Dean, who was red but definitely not denying what his friend had said. 

“Shut up.” He mumbled before taking a shot of his own. 

The rest of the game was awkward. Charlie kept glaring at Dean and they snapped at each other a few times before Dean finally got the last ball in the pocket.

Cas was thankful when it was done. Dean went to the bar to settle up his tab as Charlie cleaned up the table. When she was done she leaned into a corner of the table near Cas.

“I don’t know if he was this dumb back in school, but he’s an idiot,” Charlie said as she glared at Dean’s back. Cas shook his head and went to speak before she waved him off. “Just give it some time, Cas. That man takes a lot of patience.” She said before Dean joined the group again.

“You still good to drive?” Dean asked Cas nervously. 

“I didn’t drink Dean.” Cas said, confusion spreading across his features. Dean blushed and began kicking his feet at the floor.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure.” He said before pulling Charlie into a hug, though it was decidedly stiff, the red head still wrapped her arms around him.

“You good?” Dean asked Charlie.

“Yeah, I’m just waiting for Jo to get off and I’ll hitch a ride with her.” Charlie answered before hugging Cas. He was caught off guard momentarily and before he could respond the red head was off walking in the direction of the bar.

“Jo is Charlie’s girlfriend. They’ve been together forever.” Dean emphasized the last word as he laced his fingers with Cas’s and began leading him out of the bar.

“Does she work here?” Cas asked trying to get a glimpse of Charlie before they walked out the door. He saw her sitting at the counter with a young blonde bartender leaning across the top and smiling.

“Yeah, she owns the place with her mom. We went to school with her but I don’t know if you’d remember her. She was a couple grades below us.” Dean said while Cas unlocked his car. 

It was quiet inside the car for a moment. Cas found himself enjoying the peace after the night of being surrounded by strangers. He remembered that this was what it used to be like with Dean. They always seemed to have something to talk about, but the silent moments were never awkward. 

Dean broke the quiet by sighing before he looked at Cas. His face was full of worry as he stared at the angle of Cas’s face that he could see.

“I didn’t know that she would act like that, Cas. Lisa and I have been fine since the break up, not friends but definitely not enemies. I really thought she just wanted to say hi. I’m sorry.” Dean mumbled the last part with an abashed look on his face. Cas frowned at Dean before turning his eyes back to the road.

“It’s alright Dean, I don’t expect you to read minds.” Cas said. The answer must have been enough because Dean settled back into his seat for the remainder of the drive. 

When Cas pulled up to Dean’s house, the coach looked towards him and back to his house reluctantly.

“Do you, I don’t know, wanna come in?” Dean asked nervously. Cas frowned and looked at the time in his radio.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, it’s past midnight.” Cas answered. The way Dean’s face fell was like a punch to the gut. He turned bright red before nodding.

“Yeah, of course. I get it.” He mumbled before hurriedly opening the door. Cas grabbed Dean’s hand before he could run out of the car.

“Dean, I,” Cas trailed off when Dean looked at him with shame and hope in the same expression. “I can come in. Of course I can come in.” Cas said before he could stop himself. The look of relief he got in return was worth the undoubtedly awkward conversation they were about to have.

***

Dean threw the ball to Seger with ease. The dog was bouncing around the yard with pent up energy. Cas found himself smiling at the scene in spite of the nervous energy he felt. 

“What Charlie said about me wanting to get down your pants,” Dean began looking briefly at Cas.

“She was giving you a hard time, I know that Dean.” Cas said. Dean shook his head and laughed.

“Not entirely, I definitely want to get down your pants.” Dean said. Castiel choked on his own breath and stared at Dean with his mouth hanging slightly open.

“I want more than that, though. Want to be your best friend that also can get down your pants.” Dean laughed. Cas was no fool to the fact that the alcohol was helping ease Dean’s explanation, but the man definitely wasn’t drunk by any means. 

“I, uh, I think that, that... Well, that should be fine.” Cas finally stammered out.

“Yeah?” Dean asked with a mischievous smirk on his face. Cas nodded eagerly and then felt his face go beet red when he realized how stupid he must look. 

“Good to know.” Dean murmured before leaning over Cas and placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Aren’t you scared?” Cas asked despite the voice in his head telling him to just shut up. 

Dean looked at Cas thoughtfully before nodding his head. He smiled sadly at Cas before grabbing his hand and twinning their fingers together.

“Yeah, I’m scared as shit, but I, I don’t know, it just seems so perfect. Too good to be true, but for once I don’t want to question it.” Dean said quietly. Cas stared at their hands before raising them and kissing the back of Dean’s hand reverently.

“It does seem too god. I’m so scared I’m going to mess it up.” Cas whispered truthfully. 

“Just don’t leave me this time, Cas. If it doesn’t work out promise me you’ll still be my friend?” Dean choked a little at the end. Cas marveled at the raw emotion on the other man’s face. 

“Whatever makes you happy, that’s what I’ll do.” Cas said resolutely. 

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Dean asked hopefully. Cas sighed, he wanted so badly to stay but he worried something would happen that neither of them were prepared for.

“Dean, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He said for the second time that night. Instead of looking defeated, though, Dean’s face transformed into one of determination.

“Just to talk, nothing funny. I swear.” Dean said holding his hand up to his heart. Cas couldn’t help but laugh at the innocent expression on Dean’s face. Then, to put the nail in the coffin, Dean whispered quietly to Cas: “it would make me happy.” 

Cas groaned, his head hung down as he contemplated just how far he would go for the beautiful man who stood before him. The answer was scary.

“You’re an ass.” Cas said grudgingly while he listened to Dean’s soft laughter. 

***

They lay in Dean’s bed. Both were on their respective sides with their faces pointed to the ceiling. Cas was wearing sweat pants and a t shirt Dean had let him borrow. Both hung loosely on his body as he tried to control his breathing. 

He was in bed with Dean. Cas could remember when the act was so innocent and easy. Now it was filled with promises neither of them were willing to say out loud.

“Tell me about your relationships.” Dean demanded, the dark of the room casting a safety blanket that Cas was thankful for.

“What do you want to know?” Cas asked. He felt like he was choking on air, but he knew that this conversation was inevitable.

“How come none of them worked out?” Dean asked. Cas couldn’t be sure, but there was an edge to his voice that betrayed Dean’s nerves.

“I tried, a few times. I’ve been told that I don’t share enough. I thought that I was keeping the burden away from them, but I was just making it harder,” Cas sighed and thought back to Mick. It was his last real relationship and he’d thought everything was good until he came home one day to find Mick’s bags packed. “I dated one man for seven months, we lived with each other for a while. When it ended, he said that I wasn’t open and he couldn’t break down anymore of my walls. He was tired.” Cas said sadly. He truly had loved Mick, and it had been hard to let him go, but he had no choice in the matter.

“I’m sorry Cas.” Dean whispered. Cas listened to Dean’s even breathing in the quiet. He thought about what Mick had said and decided that he wouldn’t make Dean break down his walls. He would do it himself, one at a time.

“I have dreams sometimes. I’m back in the desert and I’m in the middle of a gun fight. I’m with my whole group but I’m the only one with any gear. The rest are just sitting ducks. I try to save them, try to get each one out safely, but I can’t.” Cas trailed off. The bed shifted as Dean lifted himself up on his elbow and peered at Cas.

“You can’t save everyone, Cas.” Dean murmured softly. He moved so his head was laying on Cas’s chest, his hand rested on his heart. 

“I want too though.” Cas whispered as he wrapped his arms around Dean tightly. He felt the tears slide down his face. Dean moved his hand to Cas’s face and his green eyes peered into Cas’s blue ones. 

“I know.” He answered before kissing Cas chastely on the lips. 

They lay quietly wrapped together until sleep took over them.


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 😊.

Chapter Three 

Cas walked down the street with his hands dug deep in his pockets. There was a slight breeze to the early October afternoon that made him wish he’d put on a sweatshirt. He’d figured he would be ok because Gabe’s bakery was only a fifteen minute walk from his home, but now he was considering begging his brother for a ride after they ate.

Cas had long since gotten used to being home. He would spend the weeks with his family and the weekends doing whatever he could to be around Dean. He’d gotten over his reservations towards sleeping at Dean’s a while ago, and often found himself waking up to the green eyed beauty on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

At first it was something they did once in a while, but now there were no questions about where Cas would be sleeping on the weekends, and some weekdays as well. They never went beyond heated make out sessions that ended in cold showers, but just being near Dean made Cas feel happy.

It wasn’t the giddy kind of happy he felt when he was eight years old walking through the gates of Disneyland. Nor was it the extreme rush of relief happiness he felt whenever his feet touched American soil after being deployed for months at a time. This was a different kind of happy, one that settled into his bones and made him feel warm at all times. The kind that said even though he was broken, he was on his way to healing. The kind that he could live with for the rest of his life. For the first time in a long time, Cas was content.

He smiled to himself as he walked passed a store front that had flowers displayed in beautiful arrangements. The smell of roses wafting out the door was too much for him to resist. Cas walked into the store before he even had a chance to make up his mind about going in. 

There was a soft twinkling of bells as the door closed quietly behind him. Cas looked around at the various arrangements he could see. There seemed to be everything from sweet and thoughtful to undeniably romantic. There were small gifts throughout the store, stuffed animals, jewelry, and wood carvings placed to be aesthetically pleasing with the arrangements. 

He was staring at a small cactus when someone approached him.

“He likes lilacs.” Came a familiar voice that Cas couldn’t help but smile at. 

“Hello Eileen.” He said once he’d turned towards the woman. She had Meredith balanced precariously on her hip in one hand and ribbon in the other. 

“Hey Cas.” She smiled back and offered Meredith to Cas. The baby girl had taken quite a liking to him and he couldn’t deny her when she was reaching for him over everyone else. It pissed Dean off to Sam’s great delight. 

“Hello Meredith.” He said softly as she snuggled her head into his neck.

“Dean likes lilacs.” Eileen said while fussing with one of the arrangements that they stood by. Cas stared at her with confusion before realization dawned on him.

“Oh no, I just came to look.” Cas said. Eileen smirked at him before walking away. She peaked her head back when it became clear that Cas wasn’t following.

“You coming?” She asked before turning and leaving again. Cas walked after her dutifully.

“So this is your shop?” Cas asked while Eileen walked behind the counter and resumed the making of an arrangement. 

“This is it.” Eileen said, she looked around the small area and smiled. 

“It’s beautiful.” Cas said. It truly was, the enticing aroma and lively colors of the different plants caught his eyes wherever he looked.

“Thanks Cas. I started it a while before I met Sam. It was my baby until my baby came along,” She said while looking at Meredith fondly. “I’m thinking of selling, it’s hard with Mere, and my sister can only be here so much. I can’t seem to keep any other help around for long.” Eileen said sadly. Cas frowned as he looked down at the small girl curled into him. He understood why selling would be appealing to the woman, but he could see the sorrow written on her face as she considered it.

“I could help out, if you’re ok with it that is,” Cas found himself offering. He hadn’t thought about getting a job yet, but the weekdays did get boring no matter how much he tried to fill them. The thought of having a reason to get out of his home other than to see his family was nice. “I could help run the shop or watch Meredith.” He finished.

“I wouldn’t want to ask that of you.” Eileen said.

“You’re not, I offered. It would be as much for my benefit, honestly, I get bored.” Cas shrugged, which instantly earned him a small squawk from Meredith who seemed to be sleeping otherwise peacefully in his arms.

Eileen looked at him thoughtfully. She seemed to be calculating something in her head while she moved her hands around the flowers without watching.

“It could work, with three of us it would provide more time and if I can find some help it would even out. You’re not just saying this because I’m thinking about selling, though, right?” Eileen asked with a doubtful look. Cas shook his head vigorously. 

“No, I haven’t been actively looking, but I’ve been thinking about getting a job to pass the time.” He answered honestly. Eileen smiled at him before nodding her head.

“It’s worth a shot, you’d mostly be doing work around the shop. When Meredith is here we all know she’s going to want you, but you’d still be paid. I can figure out actual wages tonight and have paperwork ready to go tomorrow. We can swing by your house around eleven if you don’t have anything planned tomorrow?” Eileen asked.

“Of course, that would be perfect.” Cas said excitedly. The thought of having a job was oddly enticing to him. 

“Here’s a sign on bonus,” Eileen said as she turned towards a refrigerator behind the counter. She pulled out a beautiful arrangement of wildflowers with lilacs mixed in. When she walked around the counter to grab Meredith she winked at Cas. “I’m sure you’ll find something to do with them.” 

***

“My big bad Marine brother is going to be working with flowers?” Gabe asked doubtfully as he took a bite out of his sub. 

“Yes, Sam’s wife owns the shop.” Cas said nodding his head. He’d already set up plans to have dinner at Dean’s place once the coach was back from practice. Cas could hardly wait to share the news with him. Instead he settled for telling Gabriel during their ritual Wednesday lunch with each other. 

“I never knew you had an artistic side to you.” Gabe said excitedly. 

“I don’t really, hopefully Eileen can teach me.” Cas shrugged. Gabe smiled at Cas and nodded his head. 

“I think you’ll pick up on it pretty quickly, kind of like riding a bike. Or having sex.” Gabe said with a salacious wink that caused Cas to choke on the bite of food he’d just taken.

“Gabe.” Cas admonished while looking around to make sure no one had heard his brother. Gabe laughed mercilessly.

“Besides, creativity obviously runs in the family. You’ve got a writer for a father, a gardener for a mother, one brother is a baker, and the other is a bag of dicks. You’re good.” Cas laughed despite his horrified expression. Luke always seemed to be the butt of Gabe’s jokes.

“Mom is going to fly off the fucking walls when you tell her,” Gabe said with a fond expression. “She’s going to tell you everything she knows.” Cas nodded in agreement. Becky would be happy to know that one of her sons would finally be able to share her passion. 

“She’s not going to be able to help herself.” Cas agreed. He could imagine that the next few dinners with his family would be filled with her advice. 

“Any other news?” Gabe asked innocently, though his expression betrayed his intent.

“No?” Cas said cautiously. He wasn’t sure what Gabriel wanted but he could tell it wasn’t something he’d want to talk about.

“Dean-O! C’mon Cas, tell me what the hell is happening with you two!” Gabe burst, like holding the question in was choking him. Cas glared at Gabe and shook his head.

“There’s nothing happening.” Cas said resolutely. Gabe gave Cas an incredulous look before throwing a chip at him.

“That’s a lie and you know it! Mom said you guys talk all the time and I see your car at his house on a daily basis.” Gabe accused with a satisfied look on his face.

“What the hell, Gabe?! Dean’s house is nowhere near yours! Are you spying on me?” Cas asked quietly. He’d forgotten how annoying it was to live close to his family, but they were determined to remind him.

“I’m curious, Cas. You know it’s one of my downfalls. Now tell me what’s going on before I start pumping Dean himself for info. He’s one of my regulars you know?” Gabe somehow managed to sound threatening with a mouthful of sandwich. 

Cas groaned and shook his head. He wasn’t ready to tell the world about what was happening between Dean and him. Hell, Cas barely knew the answer himself! They both knew that they were in some type of pseudo relationship, though neither of them had actually talked about it. How could Cas answer Gabe’s question when he truly didn’t have one?

“Look, Cas, I love you. I love Dean. It would be my dream come true if you two ended up together. I just want to know if the Winchesters are going to start coming to family events. Gotta be looking good for that moose of a brother Dean has.” Gabe wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Sam’s married with a kid, Gabe. That ship has sailed.” Cas said tightly. 

“Still, a guy can dream.” Gabe said with a far off look that suggested he was thinking of things Cas would never want to know.

“Gabe, you’re disgusting.” Gabe held his hand over his heart and glared at Cas.

“Brother, you wound me!” Gabe exclaimed with mock despair. Cas sighed and stared at his brother with exasperation. 

“Besides, I don’t know what’s going on between us. I just know it’s good.” Cas said. Gabe’s face fell into a fond smile as he reached across the table and squeezed Cas’s arm.

“That’s- thats real good Cassie,” Gabe said before taking a huge bite out of his sandwich and nodding. “Real good.” 

***

Cas walked up to Dean’s door with the flowers behind his back. He was anxious, the small gesture seemed like it meant infinitely more than it probably did. He wished he’d been the one who picked out the bouquet, but he couldn’t deny that Eileen had chosen the perfect one for Dean. 

Before he could even ring the doorbell, Dean had swung the heavy wood door open with a wide smile on his face. Cas was struck momentarily with how beautiful Dean was, something he found happened to him often. 

“Hi.” Dean whispered before pulling Cas into a hug and kissing him with a passion that told Cas it was going to be a cold shower kind of night. 

When they pulled apart, Cas held the flowers out to Dean awkwardly. He was apprehensive for a moment before Dean smiled and took the bouquet out of his hands carefully. 

“These are beautiful Cas.” Dean said while he walked into his house, Cas following close behind. 

“Eileen picked them out.” Cas said quickly and immediately regretted it. He just felt like it was cheating if he took all the credit for it. 

“Well they’re beautiful and I like them. Thank you Cas.” Dean said sweetly. He smiled shyly at Cas while he put them in vase with water.

“So, what’s the big news you have to tell me?” Dean asked while placing the flowers in the kitchen window. It was oddly domestic and Cas loved it. 

“I got a job.” Cas answered as he grabbed two beers out of Dean’s fridge and began the trip to the backyard, where Seger was waiting expectantly with a tennis ball between his front paws.

“Really? That’s awesome! Where’s it at?” Dean asked excitedly and picked up the tennis ball. He tossed it off to the corner of the yard. 

“It’s at Eileen’s shop,” Cas looked down and fidgeted with his hands. He wasn’t sure how Dean would react to Cas working with his family. Cas hoped it wouldn’t be an issue, but he never knew. “I hope that’s ok. Of course I could turn it down if you’re not agreeable.” Cas said quickly. 

“You kidding Cas? The only reason I don’t like it is because Meredith already prefers you over me, it’s gonna be even worse when you’re spending all that time with her.” Dean pouted. Cas smiled at Dean’s puckered lip and laughed.

“She loves you, just not as much as me.” Cas added the last jab in knowing that it would earn him the middle finger. Dean didn’t disappoint.

“You’re an ass.” Dean bit out as he continued to play fetch with Seger. 

They were outside for a good thirty minutes before Seger dropped the ball away from Dean’s reach. After that Cas watched from the counter as Dean made spaghetti at the stove. 

They didn’t talk much, Dean told Cas about his day and asked about what Cas would be doing at the shop. Cas relaid what little he knew about the position. Soon they were sitting at the table with heaping plates of noodles. 

As Cas sat twirling the spaghetti on his fork, he thought of his conversation with Gabe. How he didn’t know how to describe their relationship. He wondered what Dean thought of it. There was a small part of him that said not to mess with what they have. They were good, and he was happy. The other part, though, the part that wanted to know what they were, was much bigger. He cleared his throat before looking up at Dean.

Cas was startled to see that Dean had been studying him. The coach looked down at his plate quickly. His face turned red as he realized he’d been caught staring. 

“I went to lunch with Gabe.” Cas said creating an opening, albeit a bad one, into the conversation he wanted to have. Dean looked up at him, clearly wondering what that had to do with the price of tea in China.

“How’d that go?” He asked with a curious look on his face.

“Well, it was good but - he asked me about you, and I realized I didn’t know what this is.” Cas waved his hand between them to show what he meant. 

Dean frowned momentarily before slowly chewing the bite of food he’d stuffed into his mouth. His swallow was audible as he wiped his hands on the napkin in front of him.

“What do you think it is?” Dean asked innocently, apprehension written on his face. It was Cas’s turn to frown as he realized Dean was avoiding his own answer.

“I don’t know,” Cas said while looking down at his plate. He couldn’t bare to look into Dean’s eyes right now. “I think you’re my best friend, but it’s more than that. Friends don’t kiss the way we do, they don’t fall asleep in each other’s arms like - like they’re the only people in the world who could possibly understand each other.” Cas trailed off. His face turned red over the vulnerability of the moment. 

“Cas, look at me,” Dean said gently. Cas looked up to a fond smile that was aimed right at him. “What you just said, I feel the same way too. We don’t have to define what this is for other people’s peace of mind. You’re it for me, just because we’re taking things slow doesn’t change the way I feel.” 

Cas felt his heart beat out of his chest as Dean stood from his chair and walked towards Cas. When their lips met Cas realized that defining what they were was impossible. Not because he couldn’t put a name to what he felt for Dean, but because nothing could possibly explain what Dean was to him. 

Though, if forced to explain it, Cas would say that Dean was his home.


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The rating of this work has changed to explicit because of this chapter.
> 
> Thank you guys for reading 😊

Chapter Four

The ride home from the field was silent. Cas sat in the passenger seat of the Impala and watched as Dean kept his eyes on the road diligently. The coaches knuckles were grasped tightly on the wheel and he had a contemplative look on his face. 

Cas didn’t dare break the silence. The team had just lost and their football season was over. Cas had expected Dean to be mad, but what he didn’t expect was the lack of words. The other man was obviously not in the mood to talk, and while Cas understood the reason behind it, he couldn’t shake how uncomfortable he felt.

It was November, the leaves had begun changing and the cold air made it impossible for Cas to walk long distances. He made up for the lack of exercise by spending his days off with Seger. The dog had boundless amounts of energy, and Cas hated the idea of Seger being cooped up when he didn’t have to be. 

So when he woke up in Dean’s bed on days he didn’t have to work, instead of leaving for his own home, Cas would take Seger for a long walk. Then he would spend the day running errands or doing menial chores around the house that Dean didn’t have the time to get to. 

Dean was always so appreciative when he came home to a freshly mowed lawn or a fixed rain gutter. Cas could bathe in the smiles that Dean gave him and he would be a happy man.

Tonight would be different. Cas couldn’t place his finger on what the mood was, but Dean was definitely not his jovial self. The refs had made more than one call that cost the home team the game. It was infuriating to watch from the crowd as Dean argued with them to no avail. The other team didn’t deserve the win, and yet they had gotten it. 

Cas couldn’t help but feel melancholy as he stared out the window. The team had done such a great job throughout the season for it to end that way. He sighed heavily.

Dean reached his free hand over and grabbed onto Castiel’s hand. Cas looked up at Dean and was met with a small, yet reassuring, smile. They drove the rest of the way in silence with their hands tangled together. 

When they got back to Dean’s house, Seger met them with an excited greeting. Cas smiled at the dog and bent down to pet him. Dean wandered to the fridge and pulled a beer out before heading to the backyard.

“It’s ok, he’s just sad.” Cas murmured to Seger, though the reassurance was more for himself. The two followed Dean out and Cas picked up the tennis ball. 

Cas played fetch with Seger silently as Dean sat in a chair and nursed his beer. It was to the point it was almost unbearable. Cas resolved himself to say something before Dean sighed and spoke.

“They played hard.” Dean said more to himself than anyone. Cas looked over to Dean and frowned before closing the distance. He stood before Dean and watched the coach’s carefully schooled expression.

“Those refs won it for the other team.” Cas said before he could stop himself. He turned red and missed the pleased smile that passed over Dean’s features. 

“That other team was good, they deserve to go on. Just wished it’d been a closer game.” Dean sighed as he took a drink of his beer. Cas frowned and shook his head.

“Still think the refs were dicks.” Cas mumbled as he bent over and pet Seger before throwing the ball again. Dean laughed with his head thrown back. 

Cas watched as a serene look came over Dean’s face. He was smiling at Cas so happily that he forgot how to breathe monetarily.

“I love you.” Dean said quietly. 

Cas froze. He stared at Dean with a slack jaw as he tried to process the other man’s words.

Cas had known for a long time that he loved Dean. Hell, he knew the first time they saw each other again that nothing had changed as far as his feelings went. Dean, however, seemed so hesitant to cross that bridge. 

Cas would have said those words with no problem, but he felt that he would only make Dean uncomfortable. He worried that the coach would feel like he needed to reciprocate Cas’s words, even if that weren’t truly how he felt. So Cas waited, he held out hope that Dean felt the same as he did. 

The words were like a solace to his aching soul. They were the most beautiful song he’d ever heard.

Cas realized he was frozen over Seger, his hand wouldn’t move from its spot in the dog’s fur. His breathing was heavy as he slowly turned his head towards Dean and stared at him with awe.

“Do you mean it?” Cas whispered gruffly. Emotion was thick in his tone as he waited carefully for Dean to answer.

“Yeah, I love you.” Dean said back slowly. Cas closed his eyes, letting the words wash over him. After a moment he stood up and covered the distance between himself and Dean quickly. He dropped to his knees and rested his hands on the arm rests of the chair Dean sat in. 

Dean moved forward in the chair so he was sitting close to edge. His thighs opened up to allow space for Cas, who quickly slotted himself into the empty space. They stayed like that for a few seconds until Cas moved one of his hands to rest on gently on Dean’s cheek.

“Say it again, please.” Cas asked, he needed those words more than he could have imagined. He knew that he could listen to them on a loop forever.

“I love you Cas,” Dean paused and then added for good measure. “So fucking much.” The urgency with which Cas moved after those words surprised even himself.

Cas slipped his hand into Dean’s hair and gripped a handful of the brown locks. He pulled on the hair to guide Dean’s head until their lips were just inches apart. Castiel stared at Dean’s wide green eyes with amazement. Whatever he had done to earn the love of such a beautiful soul must have been good. Dean let out a small whine that spurred Cas into action.

Cas growled as his other hand fisted Dean’s shirt. He kissed Dean with such intensity that their teeth were colliding. Cas didn’t care though, all that mattered was that he finally had Dean. 

When Dean broke away to breathe deeply, Castiel moved to nip at Dean’s jaw. He drew a pathway to Dean’s neck with his tongue. Cas savored the taste of Dean’s skin and the smell of grass that overloaded his senses.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s shoulders as Cas made his way back to the coach’s lips. He prodded his tongue against Dean’s mouth urgently as he let his hand wander from its tight grip in Dean’s hair down to the top of his ass. Cas then pulled Dean into him so there was no room between them. Dean let out a breathless gasp at the sudden change in position and Cas took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Dean’s mouth.

There was no space between the two. No end or beginning, just the two of them getting impossibly close as they discovered each other’s bodies. Dean slipped his hand under Cas’s shirt and placed it flat against the skin of his back. The chill of Dean’s hand against Cas’s warm skin made the marine gasp as he pulled back and rested his head against Dean’s shoulder. 

“Inside?” Cas asked breathlessly, Dean gulped and nodded urgently. As soon as Cas was standing, he offered Dean a hand and pulled the man up. He held tightly on to that hand even as he began walking inside. 

When they got to Dean’s room, Cas turned toward the door and looked at Seger, who had followed them inside with a reluctant pace.

“We’re cutting the game short tonight, buddy. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He said gruffly before closing the door and walking over to Dean. 

Cas placed his hands on Dean’s hips and started backing him up towards the bed. He kissed Dean’s jaw softly and smiled at him.

“I love that you’re caring and sweet,” Cas murmured before placing a kiss behind Dean’s ear. “You’re smart and thoughtful with everything,” another kiss. “You’re an amazing teacher and an attentive coach,” another kiss. “The way you are with babies is so fucking sexy,” another kiss. “And I love that you gave me another chance.” Cas leaned in and kissed Dean’s lips gently. 

Dean sighed wistfully while wrapping his arms around Cas’s neck and smiled at him with adoration. He kissed Cas’s cheek before returning the favor of loving words.

“I love that you’re strong and brave,” Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and held it to his own chest while he stared at him lovingly. “That you fought for our country and are willing to admit that you’re hurt and need help. I love that you came back to me, even though you were scared. Most of all, though, I love that you’re my best friend and I get to share my life with you.” Dean whispered, tears of emotion welling in his eyes. 

Cas smiled at Dean sweetly before pulling him in for a tender kiss. There was no rush as Cas laid Dean on his back and stripped him down to nothing before following suit. They exchanged soft nips and sweet kisses. 

Cas held himself above Dean with one arm while the other hand traced the planes of Dean’s smooth skin. He felt charged by the feel of Dean’s strong hands running down his own back. 

Once Dean was gasping with pleasure and whining with impatience, Cas finally gave in and took the bottle of lube Dean had been glaring at for a long time. He slipped his finger inside Dean and began working him open.

Dean was writhing on the covers of the bed and fisting the comforter as he cried out when Cas teased his prostrate insistently. 

Dean huffed indignantly when Cas chuckled at him, something the Marine remedied quickly with a hard kiss. Cas continued the methodical pace, wanting to make sure that Dean was completely ready. 

By the time Cas was able to get three fingers inside, Dean had started moving insistently against Cas’s touch. Cas looked down at Dean for a moment, taking note of the debauched looked on the other man’s face. Dean’s lips were kiss swollen and his skin was damp with sweat. He was a sight to behold. Cas found a condom in Dean’s bedside table and slipped it on before applying a generous amount of lube. He lined himself up to Dean’s opening and paused, letting the reality of the moment sink in. He was going to make love to the love of his life.

Cas finally slipped inside and gasped at the tight feel of Dean’s hole fluttering around him. He slowly pushed himself inside and when he could no longer push any farther he stilled his movements again and stared at Dean with awe. Dean blushed and wrapped his arms around Cas’s shoulders, pulling the other man down to him to meet in a heated kiss. 

They stayed tangled together as Cas fucked into Dean relentlessly. The desperate cries and pleas Dean made brought out the most primal side of Cas.

When they came within moments of each other, Cas collapsed on Dean. His chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Dean played with Cas’s hair lazily while Cas burrowed into his neck. They lay like that for what felt like hours before Cas propped himself up and smiled down at Dean lovingly. 

“I love you, Dean Winchester.” He whispered shyly. Dean smiled widely at Cas and laid his hand on the other man’s heart.

“I love you, Castiel Novak.” Dean whispered back.


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading!

Epilogue 

Cas looked up from the counter towards the twinkling bells at the entrance and smiled widely.

“Uncle Cas!” Meredith exclaimed as she ran towards Cas. He bent down and picked her up, propping her on his hip.

“Good morning Mere.” Cas smiled at her and watched as a very pregnant Eileen walked towards the counter at a much slower pace than her daughter.

“Hey Cas.” Eileen said with an exhausted voice. Cas frowned slightly and put Meredith down before walking around the counter.

“How are you feeling?” Cas asked by way of greeting. Eileen smiled placatingly towards him.

“I’m fine Cas, just tired. It’s normal for the last tri, especially when these little asses are so active.” She glared down at her round stomach. 

Cas bit back his concern despite the need he felt to press forward. He trusted that Eileen would know if something was wrong, but he still couldn’t help his worries. 

“Anyway, I just came by to tell you that the doctor said next Friday would be the definite date for delivery. I’ll go in at nine and they’ll prep me for the c section.” Eileen said while she rubbed her hand on her stomach. 

“That’s great news! Thank you for letting me know.” Cas said, the feeling of fear and excitement swirling around in his stomach. He felt a slight pull at his pant leg and looked down to find Meredith smiling sweetly up at Cas. 

“Mama says the babies will be here soon. You think they’ll like me?” She asked shyly. Cas ruffled her hair lovingly.

“You know what Meredith? I think they’ll love you.” Cas said to the girl’s great pleasure. Eileen smiled gratefully at Cas and looked at her young daughter, who was getting too old too quickly.

Cas could remember the first time he’d ever held Meredith, and now she was a walking talking spit fire. Her curly brown hair was crazy and the dirt on her knees was an ever present fixture of her everyday clothing. She still gravitated towards Cas, her calm demeanor naturally fond of Cas’s quiet personality. She’d been the reason Dean and Cas had decided they wanted kids in the first place.

“Tell Uncle Cas what you learned in school yesterday.” Eileen encouraged. Meredith instantly brightened and began talking about how she was learning to write the alphabet. 

***

Cas walked into their home later on that day and smiled as Seger walked over to him. The dog’s face was now speckled with gray hair and he no longer begged for nightly games of fetch. He opted for daily walks around the neighborhood and lavished in the attention that Dean and Cas still gave him happily. 

“Hey buddy, things are gonna change around here soon.” Cas murmured while he bent down and pet Seger.

“I hope we’re all ready for it.” There was a loud curse from down the hallway as Cas spoke to Seger. He frowned before standing up to go inspect the noise. 

Cas peaked into the room he suspected Dean was in and found his husband sitting on the floor with his head in hands. There were pieces of wood and screws spread randomly throughout the room. 

“Dean?” Cas said as he stood in the doorway. Dean looked up from his hands and Cas saw tears of frustration in his husband’s eyes. 

“We have one week to get ready and I can’t even put this fucking thing together! How the hell am I supposed to put both of them together if I can’t even figure out the first one?” Dean exclaimed defeatedly. 

Cas walked over to where Dean was sitting and lowered himself to the floor. He wrapped his arm around Dean and pulled him into his side. Dean instantly hid his face in Cas’s neck and began crying silently. 

“It’s ok, Dean. We’ll figure it out.” Cas murmured after Dean’s breathing had evened out. 

“How? If I can’t put figure out how to put these cribs together how am I supposed to figure out how to raise children?” Dean asked. 

Cas had been wondering when the changes they were going to experience would hit Dean. He, himself, had already had his own breakdown. It had been right after they went to the appointment to hear the heart beat. That’s when they found out they would be having twins.

The doctor had told them it was a possibility, but actually hearing that they would have two was earth moving for Cas. Dean had been over the moon, all they’d been hoping for was one and to find out there were two was just what he’d been hoping for. 

When Eileen agreed to be their surrogate they knew it would be a one time thing. She and Sam had decided to stop after Meredith and the fact that she was willing to go through one more pregnancy for them was more than either of them hoped for. Dean was ecstatic when he found out they would actually be having two. Cas was overwhelmed.

“Do you remember what you told me when we found out they were twins?” Cas asked Dean. Dean looked up at Cas with an incredulous face.

“No.” He said petulantly, though Cas knew he could. 

“Ok, well, you told me we’d figure it all out together,” Cas said as he placed a kiss on Dean’s head. “Besides, they’re not even going to be sleeping in these cribs for a while. That’s why we got those bassinets.” Dean sighed and stared at the ground.

“I know Cas, I just wanted to make sure everything was perfect for them. If I can’t do something this simple, how am I supposed to do the real stuff?” Dean asked defeatedly.

“Do you think your mom and dad had it all figured out from the start?”

“No, but at least they knew how to put together a crib.” Dean murmured petulantly. Cas laughed and pulled Dean closer to him.

“What do you look back on when you were a kid Dean?” Cas asked innocently. Dean looked at him confused.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged before closing his eyes and remembering. “My mom used to sing to me when I was scared. My dad taught me how to work with cars.” Dean smiled wistfully as he thought of his parents.

“You’re telling me you don’t remember the crib you slept in?” Cas asked with humor in his voice. Dean glared at him and shoved him lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.” Dean said grudgingly. Cas laughed and leaned in to kiss Dean on his lips.

“You’re going to be great father, Dean. I’ve never doubted it for a moment.” Cas smiled at Dean. 

“Right back at you, Babe.” 

***

Cas never thought he’d be happier than the day he married Dean. It was a quiet ceremony with only their family and closest friends in attendance. It had been at the football field of the high school. Though Cas grumbled about the location, he had to admit there was something poetic about getting married at the place he’d first seen Dean after being away for so long. They wrote their own vows and danced on the fifty yard line. It was all very cheesy, but very much so them.

Cas remembered seeing the look on Dean’s face as he slipped the wedding ring on Cas’s finger. He remembered the immense pride he felt when he signed the wedding certificate Castiel Winchester, a little surprise he’d kept from Dean throughout the whole planning process.

He never thought there would be a day that could compare. Then along came Alex and Emma. When Cas first saw them through the glass of the nursery window he wept. To see those two bundled up in soft blankets with nursery caps on their head was a feeling unlike any other. 

Dean sat with his shirt off cradling Emma to his chest as Cas sat right next to him doing the same for little Alex. They would switch after a while so they got the chance to bond with both of the babies.

When they first brought Alex and Emma home it was hectic. Their routine hadn’t been established and the children loved wreaking havoc on Dean and Cas’s sleep schedule. There were nights that Cas would stumble into the nursery blindly and change their diapers still half asleep. There were nights that Dean would rock a crying baby and he would cry himself. In the end, though, they were at a blissful peace with their lives. 

Cas would often think of the old saying if you love something let it go, if it never comes back it wasn’t truly yours, and if you do end up finding it again it was meant to be. He couldn’t help but think how fitting it was. They were just always meant to be.


End file.
